


It's called: Freefall

by takarter



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Light Angst, Sad Cuddling, They love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24113944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takarter/pseuds/takarter
Summary: Kara is blue. Bold strokes of this royal color smeared carelessly across her entire being, details barely showing through. It’s overpowering. The color muted, vulnerable, layers upon layers forming mountains of sadness where soft skin had once been. Lena knows it to be soft because she touched it, again and again. Couldn’t get enough of touching it, ever. Lena is afraid she’ll never stop wanting it, is afraid that her fingers would forever keep coming back dipped in dark blue.Or,Lena distances herself from Kara after the reveal, but it hurts seeing Kara lose herself as well."You say you're too busy saving everybody else to save yourself, and you don't want no help, oh well."-RKS
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 20
Kudos: 232





	It's called: Freefall

**Author's Note:**

> helloo! there is no point to this. i just like to see my children suffer, apparently, but i swear there's a happy/hopeful ending and _they love each other_!
> 
> the snippets of lines at the beginning and end are from the song "moody orange" by Rainbow Kitten Surprise and the title is a song of theirs, "It's called: Freefall". it's what i listened to while writing this so i bet it's great to listen to while reading this as well. alternatively: "Devil Like Me", also by RKS. i swear i listen to other music, but it really set the mood for me!! 
> 
> have fun reading this, stay hydrated and _stay at home_ if possible.

**"but I could get used to seeing your cool demeanor lighting my scene up"**

Afterwards Kara is different. 

There are a lot of small things that Lena remembers about Kara, constantly. Things, she hopes secretly, that no one else ever noticed. They torment her, those images of Kara, forming a picture of one perfect human being. Lena smiles, thinks _alien_. Thinks Kara’s fingers intertwined with her own, thinks soda dripping out of Kara’s nose because Lena made her laugh that hard, somehow. 

She spirals. Lena’s been spiraling in a whirlwind of Kara ever since their falling out. Kara, who is different after harsh words and a lot of tears. Who perhaps only seems different thanks to a lot of unwanted distance. Necessary distance. Lena can’t imagine looking into those eyes up close and _hating her_ , still. So she keeps her distance, thinks of askew glasses from miles away. 

Kara is blue. Bold strokes of this royal color smeared carelessly across her entire being, details barely showing through. It’s overpowering. The color muted, vulnerable, layers upon layers forming mountains of sadness where soft skin had once been. Lena knows it to be soft because she touched it, again and again. Couldn’t get enough of touching it, ever. Lena is afraid she’ll never stop wanting it, is afraid that her fingers would forever keep coming back dipped in dark blue. 

Lena watches Kara on her tv, miles away. Her suit: blue. Even the red details seem to be tinted with melancholy. Lena watches as Kara saves innocent children and beats up bad guys, holds up buildings, saves planes from crashing, and fears that amidst it all she might be forgetting herself. One ought to rub away blue stains in a bath at night, soaking in oneself and watered down remainders of dirt. Though Lena knows that wouldn’t be enough, from miles away she knows. Through a tv screen _she knows_. There’s a hint of blue shining through the wisp of skin under Kara’s eyes, dark circles Lena’s never seen before. Blue Kryptonite, she thinks. Kara’s been infiltrated by it, a new term for _longing_ perhaps, running through her veins. 

Lena pours herself the third drink for the night, one of many more to come. The liquid is an amber brown and Lena despises the color. She’s not a Super, but still she wonders what it’d feel like to gulp down a glass of kryptonite.

* * *

Lena calls Alex the next day, somewhere in between _still drunk_ and _drunk again_ , her head throbbing painfully, hands ever-trembling. It’s hard to dial the number like that, but she still knows it by heart. She doesn’t expect Alex to pick up. Alex does. 

“Lena?” Lena doesn’t expect Alex to have her number saved. Alex does, apparently. 

It’s the worst idea she’s had since befriending anyone in this city, calling her, but the blue seeping through the tv whenever there’s life footage of Kara has Lena worried, more than she’d like to admit. She hates her, like this, from a distance, but Lena also knows that if she saw Kara up close, she’d long to reach out in more ways than one. So she calls Alex, to keep hating. 

“Lena?” Again. Does Alex sound concerned? Lena takes another sip before she speaks. 

“I’m sorry. Yeah, it’s me.” Her voice sounds rough around the edges. 

She hears Alex sigh on the other side of the line, hears muffled words she barely understands, then steps, then Alex’s voice surrounded by silence. “Why are you calling?” 

Lena laughs, for some reason. Why she’s calling? Really? 

“Are you drunk?” Lena hates that Alex knows.

“Perhaps you should’ve opted for detective, _agent_ ,” Lena smirks. Her tongue feels heavy and so does her entire body, though she’s sprawled out on her couch, the tv silent but running. Anything to catch a glimpse of blue. 

“Cut the crap.” Lena revels in Alex’s voice, harsh and angry. Even during their argument, the big one, Kara wouldn’t yell at her, and deep down she hopes that maybe another Danvers will. “Just tell me why you’re calling me. I’m at work.” 

A pause. Lena considers sitting up but can’t bring herself to, simply swallows instead, then whispers. “Kara’s not okay.” It’s not a question. 

“She’s not,” Alex agrees, says nothing else. Lena thinks she understands why. 

“It’s her fault, not mine.” 

“I know. She knows.” 

Lena closes her eyes, the room spinning. The darkness spinning, even. “It was her who lied to me, I didn’t do anything. I’d never- it was her who-” 

“Lena?” Alex’s voice is more gentle now, but somehow still perfectly capable of getting Lena to stop. Whatever it is that she’s doing, Wishing they’d both played a part in it, so that she could go apologize and make it all okay. Make Kara seem less blue. She pushes the thought aside. “Please take care of yourself.”

* * *

There are many things Lena expects - waits for, in some fucked-up way. She expects Kara to get badly hurt, eventually, expects herself to be watching. Expects to break down. Break down again? Keep breaking down? She expects herself to fuck up, somehow, expects Kara to care too much. She expects Supergirl to disappear, one day, out of nowhere. Lena’s not sure why, but she does. 

She doesn’t expect Kara to show up at her apartment. 

Lena’s not sure how long it’s been since she foolishly called Alex, has no idea whether these two events are related. She hopes not. The thought of Alex telling Kara that she called makes her feel sick to her stomach. 

So does Kara standing two feet away. She expected that one. Lena smiles, _so predictable_. 

There’s a layer of glass and thousands of raindrops between them, but Lena can see it clearly. Blue. She wants to reach out to her. Predictable. Check. 

Lena watches Kara, unable to move for some quiet seconds. She barely registers the rain violently hitting her window, the life down in the streets, so blissfully ignorant of this encounter, of Kara _before_ and Kara _after_. 

“Supergirl,” Lena says as she opens the window. Kara shakes her head, and Lena believes her. Kara just stands there, soaked, almost appearing to be shivering. She looks human like this, Lena thinks, and somehow the thought bothers her. Even when she didn’t know, there had always been something otherworldly about Kara, something bright and perfect. Now, Kara drips on her balcony, watercolor. “Come on, I’ll get you some clothes.” 

Lena invites Kara in because she has no choice. She’s never had a choice with Kara, so many emotions easily overpowering the disdain she wills herself to muster. Skipping more apologies, skipping small-talk. Lena disappears into her bedroom, a stray kryptonian in her living room.

Lena’s fingers ghost along the seams of a blue shirt, an even darker hoodie. She finds one of Kara’s sweaters she’d left here once, after a game night perhaps, and opts for one of her own instead. It’s pathetic. It’s light grey. 

Kara hasn’t moved an inch when Lena returns, barely looks up. Does she not want to look at Lena, or does she simply like watching the wooden floor turn dark? Traces of herself seeping through floorboards, arriving at Lena’s feet and silently asking for forgiveness. Lena hands her the clothes, feels compelled to follow Kara’s footprints to the bathroom, the wet tinted blue by the dark, cloudy sky outside. 

“You’re killing yourself,” Lena says once Kara’s back. She hadn’t meant to say it, but Kara looks vulnerable in her clothes, looks like a child sitting on her couch and staring at her own hands. It’s too obvious not to be said aloud. 

“W-what?” 

“I talked to Alex. I watch you on the news. You’re not taking care of yourself, Kara.” There’s no choice. The disdain washes away when they’re this close, no matter how hard she tries. Perhaps it’d be easier if she was drunk, but then Lena remembers it’s been all but fifteen minutes since she downed her last sip of bourbon. 

“I’m taking care of others.” Lena scoffs, Kara looks up. “I… I didn’t think you’d care.” 

“You’re a fool if you truly think that.” 

Kara almost smiles, Lena watches her lips closely. “I _know_ I am.” 

“So all of this, it’s about me?” Lena doesn’t think she wants to know, but there it is again. No choice, she _needs_ to know. Kara only shrugs. Lena sighs in relief, not supposed to feel empathy, or even pity, not right now. Maybe in five years. She’s supposed to hate the woman next to her, small and sad. Any resemblance to the hero is gone. Is this Kara, who she truly is? Is this all her? The thought of it is sad, Lena thinks, as she remembers big smiles and brightly shining eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Lena doesn’t want to hear those words anymore, she’s sick of them. 

Supergirl is gone, she realizes then, as their eyes meet. Kara wears the suit still, it’s draped over one of Lena’s chairs now, still dripping, but now she’s clad in Lena. There’s no hint of an S on her chest, none of it in her being. Lena mourns for the loss, if only because she’d prefer to have Supergirl stand in front of her now, instead of Kara. If only because it’d be easier to yell at stoic features and closed fists. It’s always easier to curse Gods than it is to throw ugly words at peasants, small girls on a planet they don’t understand. 

Lena watches as Kara follows her eyes towards the suit, looking pathetic. Kara whispers “I’m sorry” once more, into the darkening apartment.

* * *

Lena knows kryptonians don’t need sleep, but as she watches Kara’s eyes fall shut repeatedly, she decides it’s time for bed. Only once she tells Kara, _feels_ her relief, does Lena consider that maybe it’s a good idea, for her to stay. That it’s the right decision to make, not just a selfish one. Electricity had seemed to be running through Kara’s veins, even in her current state she’d seemed alert, uneasy. Now she allows her eyes to fully close, something that could almost be described as a smile blooming on her lips. By now the moon is standing high on National City’s sky, illuminating Kara’s skin in a sickly and yet peaceful blue. Lena wants to cry. 

It’s been a while since there’s been someone else in Lena’s bed, let alone Kara. Something else but emptiness and regret. Now it’s a liar, in whose open arms Lena crawls without hesitation, if only because it seems to make the entire world stop for a second. There’s nothing but shallow breathing and, _finally_ , the comfort she’d been longing for. Lena pushes away the thought that there should be disgust, that there should be more yelling and more of a struggle on her part, but instead allows herself this small moment of calm. 

Lena wonders how long it’s been since she felt this safe. 

“I feel like the world’s ending. I… I feel like _I am_.” Kara whispers, long after Lena’d assumed that perhaps Kara had fallen asleep, miraculously. She smiles, thinks alien again. No more disdain, instead an odd sense of comfort. 

“Ending?” she asks, Kara nods. “Kara? Or Supergirl?” 

“I think they’re the same,” Kara whispers, sounds like she despises the thought. Lena can’t exactly blame her, although she doesn’t believe it to be true. 

“I don’t think so.” Another pause. Somehow one of Kara’s worries doesn’t seem too far fetched. “You really think the world is ending?” 

“It feels like it,” Kara chuckles softly. It’s not the kind of chuckle Lena’s come to know Kara for. It’s not like Kara at all, but the clear absence of _Supergirl_ is still palpable, and Lena finds it easy to breathe after weeks of suffocating. 

She takes a moment to think, fingers trembling as they trace along Kara’s arm. She looks at her. “Then what are you doing here?” 

A pointed look. Lena feels herself begin to cry. 

And even now Kara pays no mind to herself, focuses on others instead. A hero. She focuses on Lena, and Lena disappoints herself by curling into her, letting strong arms hold her. A sick role reversal of sorts, and yet the same as it’s always been. Her fingers grasp Kara’s wrist, gently, and when she pulls them back minutes later, Lena imagines the tips of them to be tinted blue. She smiles. 

Lena wants to be closer, wants to take Kara’s color and make it her own. She wants to be blue, and for Kara to be less so. Lena dives into the feeling, drowns in an oddly comforting way. It’s pathetic, but even as her heart is just starting to slow its frantic pace, Lena knows she’ll sleep better than she did in weeks. It’s the least Luthor thing she could possibly do, feeling safe in a Super’s arms, after everything. She wants to believe that it is an act of defiance, falling asleep in a liar’s arms. It’s not, she knows, it’s the most selfish thing she could do. 

And it’s only then that Lena considers how much she likes blue. To look at, that is. Likes wearing it more than to see it on others, on Kara. Lena likes to feel blue, but she wants to paint Kara yellow. 

**"paint it moody orange"**

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and especially comments are highly appreciated, let me know what you think _PLEASE_ :)


End file.
